How to get out of this funk

So dreaded AF showed up. She came she was horrible and she is now bowing out. Thank GOD! Anyway I have done a lot of thinking over the past week and it has been a hard week. I spent my Monday night and Tuesday crying off and on. I then got angry like I usually do and by Friday I had totally lashed out at my hubby 3 or 4 times. I thank God every day for the wonderful husband that I have. He is amazing and I feel so bad when I lash out. I actually told him the other day when he asked me “what the heck is your problem?” I wanted to just start bawling and cry to him how stressful this whole thing is but instead what did I do? I Screamed at the top of my lungs “You are dear, you are the source of all of my problems! I think you would have figured that out over the last 5 years!” Now after I said that I knew I didn’t mean it. He knew it too. However it still wasn’t okay that I said it! I am working on this but there is just so much stress in my life and I don’t know that I can handle it any more. I need to find a way to ground myself when I get in them moods but I just really don’t know how.

This whole thing is taking its toll on me in other ways too. I fell that I am not enjoying my time with my daughter as much any more. She is a huge blessing in my life and sometimes I feel that I don’t disserve her. I feel that God made a mistake. I know in my heart that isn’t true but sometimes when I let my emotions consume me they are over powering it. I use to love to take my daughter to the park and now all I want to do is sit around. She wants to play and I just go through the motions. I know she can tell something is different. She has been super clingy to me over the past few days and I know its because she doesn’t feel good but it is also because I am almost being distant.

Another thing that this is taking a toll on is my hygiene. I just don’t even want to take a shower any more. I just want to lie around and not do anything. I know this is sign of depression. I know I need to just pull myself out of this funk but I just don’t know how. I just don’t know how to get myself out of this hole that I have dug and crawled myself into.