How to get out of this funk

So dreaded AF showed up. She came she was horrible and she is now bowing out. Thank GOD! Anyway I have done a lot of thinking over the past week and it has been a hard week. I spent my Monday night and Tuesday crying off and on. I then got angry like I usually do and by Friday I had totally lashed out at my hubby 3 or 4 times. I thank God every day for the wonderful husband that I have. He is amazing and I feel so bad when I lash out. I actually told him the other day when he asked me “what the heck is your problem?” I wanted to just start bawling and cry to him how stressful this whole thing is but instead what did I do? I Screamed at the top of my lungs “You are dear, you are the source of all of my problems! I think you would have figured that out over the last 5 years!” Now after I said that I knew I didn’t mean it. He knew it too. However it still wasn’t okay that I said it! I am working on this but there is just so much stress in my life and I don’t know that I can handle it any more. I need to find a way to ground myself when I get in them moods but I just really don’t know how.

This whole thing is taking its toll on me in other ways too. I fell that I am not enjoying my time with my daughter as much any more. She is a huge blessing in my life and sometimes I feel that I don’t disserve her. I feel that God made a mistake. I know in my heart that isn’t true but sometimes when I let my emotions consume me they are over powering it. I use to love to take my daughter to the park and now all I want to do is sit around. She wants to play and I just go through the motions. I know she can tell something is different. She has been super clingy to me over the past few days and I know its because she doesn’t feel good but it is also because I am almost being distant.

Another thing that this is taking a toll on is my hygiene. I just don’t even want to take a shower any more. I just want to lie around and not do anything. I know this is sign of depression. I know I need to just pull myself out of this funk but I just don’t know how. I just don’t know how to get myself out of this hole that I have dug and crawled myself into. 

Just an update

Today is challenge day 6 for me. I am half way through he cleans….WOOT WOOT!!! It really isn’t that bad. I just kind of miss my cheese lol. Everything is looking good and I am moving in the right directions. Hubby is on day 4 of his challenge but today was the first day he didn’t have to take the fiber drink. For any of you who have down the cleans phase of the AdvoCare 24-day challenge knows why this is just a great day. The fiber drink tastes good, don’t get me wrong, but the texture of it can be a little be…well lets just say thick. Its one of those products that you benefits out weigh the texture so you mix it up and chug it so that you can just get it over with. I have actually seen some people who let it sit a few min (this makes it very thick) and then eat it with a spoon. I think the hubby is going to try that one. Any way as of today I am down 5lbs and 7 total inches off my body. The hubby on the other hand is down 6.5 lbs and feeling good. We haven’t checked him for inches lost yet but will tomorrow. Well I just wanted to update everyone on our progress and I will continue to do this through out the month. And again if any of you want to know more about how to do this challenge comment and I’ll get you the info. Thanks so much for reading.

AdvoCare 24-Day Challenge

Well AF came and went and I am currently on like CD 14 or 16 or something. I kinda lost track seeing how we are not really trying. I took the Lydia Pinkham to see if it could help regulate my cycle. And I toke the last of that today. Never got a positive OPK so I guess it didn’t really work. Oh well on to the next experiment lol.

I recently started selling AdvoCare. I am in love with the Spark and the Slam products that they have. I am staring their 24-day challenge tomorrow. It starts off with a 10 day cleans and then for the other 14 days you focus on eating right and staying healthy. My goal is to lose around 10 lbs or 10 inches. Right now this is my current standings before

stating day one:

Chest............................53 ¼ Inches                    

Waist ...........................57 ¾ Inches

Hips.............................55 Inches

Left thigh.....................30 Inches

Right thigh...................33 Inches

Upper arm left..............17 Inches

Upper arm right............18 Inches

Weight..........................308 Lbs

Date: August 17, 2012

Now please don’t make fun or anything like that. Rude comments will be deleted. It is taking a lot for me to post that on this blog but mostly I feel safe because I’m trying to stay anonymous. I will not be posting my before photos until I have after photos to post with them. I will keep you all updated as I go along. I am checking progress on day 5 day 10 day (end of cleanse phase) day 17 and day 24. I am very optimistic about this so I hope I have good results to share with you all! My other hopes are that by dropping some healthy weight by the time we start TTC again I will have an easier time!

If interested in joining me on my 24-day challenge or getting involved in AdvoCare message me and I'll get you the info!

What is it with men!?!

            We started Provera on Monday. It was CD39 and I took a home pregnancy test (HPT) and it was negative. That’s what I expected so I stated the Provera. Like I said in the last post my temps were not very promising. We are going on to an UN RX cycle. I am going to start taking Lydia Pinkham three times a day from CD1 till I ovulate or the bottle is gone what ever works. For some reason they say that the black cosh in the LP can make you have a girl but I really don’t care the gender of the baby! I just want to have another baby.

            The hubby and I got into a huge fight on Sunday night about adoption. I really feel very strongly in my heart that I need to adopt a baby. I have prayed about it and I feel that it is what we need to do. Only thing is that my husband is against it all of a sudden. He actually told me that he would not love the child because it wouldn’t be his. It would be like someone else’s child came to live with us. It broke my heart. He is an amazing father to our daughter and I know he would be a great one to any child that we brought into our family. I guess I will just have to let him stew on it for a while. That is usually what I end up doing and things usually end up in my favor!

Basal Body Temp

            If you are a seasoned trying to conceiver you know all about basal body temping (BBT). If not then here is a little background: You take your temp using a special basal body thermometer. You have to make sure and take your temp first thing in the morning before you even sit up. You also need to take it at the same time every day! You can take the temp oral or vaginal (vaginal is more accurate) and then you track it on a chart. The reason for doing this is that after ovulation the spot where the egg was released from is called the corpus luteum. This spot on the ovary now produces progesterone. Progesterone is a thermal producing hormone that will spike your BBT. The temp will spike at least .3 degrees above the last 6 temps and stay elevated for an average of 14 days. Then if you are not pregnant it will drop back down to where it was pre ovulation and your period will start.

            Anyway the reason for this tracking is to make sure you know when you ovulated and to make sure your not testing to early. Well I have posted my chart for the last cycle below. It is really pissing me off because it isn’t doing anything that a normal temp would do. I am getting so aggravated because for the last week or so as you can see below my temp will spike and I will get excited because I might have ovulated but then it goes right back down! But then back up and I get my hopes up again! I think I’m done with this whole temping thing! Its just driving me crazy!