Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
How to get out of this funk
So dreaded AF
showed up. She came she was horrible and she is now bowing out. Thank GOD!
Anyway I have done a lot of thinking over the past week and it has been a hard
week. I spent my Monday night and Tuesday crying off and on. I then got angry
like I usually do and by Friday I had totally lashed out at my hubby 3 or 4
times. I thank God every day for the wonderful husband that I have. He is
amazing and I feel so bad when I lash out. I actually told him the other day
when he asked me “what the heck is your problem?” I wanted to just start
bawling and cry to him how stressful this whole thing is but instead what did I
do? I Screamed at the top of my lungs “You are dear, you are the source of all
of my problems! I think you would have figured that out over the last 5 years!”
Now after I said that I knew I didn’t mean it. He knew it too. However it still
wasn’t okay that I said it! I am working on this but there is just so much
stress in my life and I don’t know that I can handle it any more. I need to
find a way to ground myself when I get in them moods but I just really don’t
know how.
This whole thing is
taking its toll on me in other ways too. I fell that I am not enjoying my time
with my daughter as much any more. She is a huge blessing in my life and
sometimes I feel that I don’t disserve her. I feel that God made a mistake. I
know in my heart that isn’t true but sometimes when I let my emotions consume
me they are over powering it. I use to love to take my daughter to the park and
now all I want to do is sit around. She wants to play and I just go through the
motions. I know she can tell something is different. She has been super clingy
to me over the past few days and I know its because she doesn’t feel good but
it is also because I am almost being distant.
Another thing that
this is taking a toll on is my hygiene. I just don’t even want to take a shower
any more. I just want to lie around and not do anything. I know this is sign of
depression. I know I need to just pull myself out of this funk but I just don’t
know how. I just don’t know how to get myself out of this hole that I have dug
and crawled myself into.
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